I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
