she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
