Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
