I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
