When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
