Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
