ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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