I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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