At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize