I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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