My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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