Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
