Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
is that a dick in a sweater?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
