is your mom at the bar?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
