Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How naked do you want me to be?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
