I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
