I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
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