yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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