oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
