That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
