What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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