we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He felt like a one man threesome
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
