No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
