rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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