You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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