after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
