True but thats because hes a fetus.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize