Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
