you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
