Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My dick has a subreddit
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
