Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
