dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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