Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
