Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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