hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
