He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
