He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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