I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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