meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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