My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
