did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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