then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
this hospital has no fireball
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
