so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
