My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
