who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
