I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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