So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
