i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
