At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
