If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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