I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
