I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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