Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ladies don't puke and tell
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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