Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
