so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
