i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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