3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I smell stomach acid.
vagina is talking i cant
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
