shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
