he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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