either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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