Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
