well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
