if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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