nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
