She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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