I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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