I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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