How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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